You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
