what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
