Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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