It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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