i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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