I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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