Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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