Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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