She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm too high and old for this...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
