you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
