Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
