The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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