But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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