i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
