I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize