Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
