Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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