I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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