I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
