I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
