I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
