All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
