I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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