I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
