U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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