you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
