I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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