Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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