she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
