I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
