i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You are the jesus of drinking
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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