party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
