Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.

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(509): View more from Washington

I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.

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(519): View more from Ontario

duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.

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(951): View more from California

Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash

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