Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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