oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
