The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize