There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
