I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
