I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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