There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
