haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
