ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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