I want to have your abortion
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
