My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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