dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize