thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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