"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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