She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
