i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And then my night got REAL pukey
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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