those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
