I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
