Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
