I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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