not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've blown a few things in my day
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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