Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
