I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
