help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
