i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Say something about gay babies.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
