loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he shaved USA in his pubs
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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