Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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