I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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