The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
