"it" just moved
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
