angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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