Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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