i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
