i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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